Something to hold on to...

"Today I am one day nearer home than ever before. One day nearer the dawning when the fog will lift, mysteries clear, and all question marks straighten up into exclamation points!
 I shall see the King!"     Vance Havner

Saturday, December 30, 2006

This is Me

I know that many of these posts will be obvious to me, but today I am staring at the computer, not sure which way to go. It is not that I have nothing to say, quite the contrary. I have so much, and being a new blogger, I am just not sure how to prioritize all of these topics floating around in my brain. I guess I will start at the beginning. Some of you know my story; it might bore you, yet some might find a few things interesting.

I am the last of nine children. That says a lot right there doesn't it? I am also one of only 2 girls in the entire brood. My sister is right above me in birth order, so that means seven boys were first. I am convinced that my parents really wanted girls. We were poor, but I did not really know it until about 7th grade. That was when all the comparisons began. I was not emotionally close to all of my siblings all the time. It seems that I floated in and out of relationships with my siblings. Sometimes I was closer to one or the other, but the wonderful thing is that I truly to this day love each of my siblings and have a unique bond with each of them, minus one, I will explain later.

We were very close to Mother's parents (Grandma and Granddad Promise Box). I did not know Daddy's parents; one passed away the month I was born, and the other when I was about two years old. My brothers were the military type. I remember going to the big city many times to send off or pick up one of them on their many trips oversees. I loved that big airport. I just did not like saying goodbye. I always felt sorry for the youngest of my brothers. He joined up, probably thinking he too would travel to distant and wonderful lands. I think he made it to Texas and Ohio.

In my junior year of high school I became a Christian. I had been involved in church all my life, but it wasn't real for me until high school. So much before then seemed like a list of do's and don’ts. I realized finally that it is all about relationships. At my best friends urging I gave my life to God and have not looked back. I went on to a Bible college with best friend, and then the blueprints of my life, as I know it began.

At Bible College I met my husband. I look back and I see how God prepared me in those years for the greatest hurts of my life. The relationships I was building with God, future husband, and his family would carry me through some very dark days.

When I was 21 years old, and just 5 weeks before I would walk down the aisle to marry, Mother lost her battle with cancer. I had not experienced any death in our family of someone I was really close to. Perhaps, a great aunt or uncle, but not a close relative. Even if there had been a close one, what compares to losing your Mother? This hit me hard, and my family as well.
My sister and I had to find a way to lean on each other, and I admit I leaned on her hard. While most would say that 5 weeks before your wedding is a terrible time to lose your mother, God knew that in just 5 weeks I would be blessed with a mother-in-law like no other. This helped tremendously.

Just 1 1/2 years later we lost Daddy to heart disease. I was never as close to Daddy as Mother. But my heart ached again at that loss, and at the realization that that not only would I miss my parents for the rest of my life, but that I would forever miss the events I would never share with them. I miss the things today that never happened more than I miss what did.

Since then, I have lost my oldest brother. He was 21 years old when I was born, married by the time I was about one, and his first daughter made me an aunt at the age of two and a half. He died from lifelong complications of rheumatic fever. His middle daughter has since passed away. At the age of just 27 she died from a mass in her lungs that had been there undetected since birth.

There have been some deep hurts in my life, but there has also been great joy. Because of this joy, I can look back on these hurts and realize that God prepares us ahead of our hurts, and comforts us through them until we find joy again.

I have two sons, who might not be perfect. But I would not trade them with anyone. They love the Lord, each other and my husband and I. I am blessed beyond measure with extended family, and friends that make my life on this earth as good as it gets and I cannot complain.

Why do I tell you all of this and revel so much so fast? It is who I am. My life, my personality, my choices today are shaped by these events. It is who I am at the core.

This is Me.


Inkling said...

and because you are you, we love you

not to mention.....we've leaned on your courage more than once in the past few years

Anonymous said...

it is a pleasure to meet you Silver Belle. I look forward to reading more of your blog postings.

Grace said...

Geez, I known you since I was about 10 years old and never knew you were the youngest of nine!! Thanks for sharing your story!!

Farm Wife said...

I'm not sure I ever realized there were only 2 girls in your family. Wow, I must be clueless...I think I always put your nieces in as sisters.

I don't understand how you didn't know you were poor. I knew it all along! Why else would you have an outhouse and be able to tell all those stories "'bout when you were poor?"

Silver Belle said...

I did not know that I was poor when I was little. I look back and realize it. When I was little that's just the way it was. When I got older I saw people with things I did not have, from then on I knew it. Now I can tell stories about it! Is Baby Girl ready for those stories?