W is for Why?

W is for Why?

It has been a long time since I posted, I thought I would zip straight through the alphabet. Who would think I would get hung up on the letter “W”? There are so many good W words.

Wait

Worry

Want

Walter

And, many more I could have chosen.

Nothing motivated me, nothing struck a chord. Today, on a day when I have so many emotions fighting for exposure, it hits me.

WHY

Such a small word.

I remember when our oldest was just a little boy. He was consumed with this word. He was not content with simple answers, but wanted to know the “why” in every circumstance. His “whys” varied from: why he didn’t get his way in a particular instance, to the more complex “whys”. Why does the light switch actually turn on a light? Why does thunder roar? Why does the water come out of the kitchen sink. His “whys” were soon muddled with “hows”, and he became full of wonder. After my futile attempts to answer such questions, and after a day when all I did was repeatedly answer, I came up with a solution to appease both of us. When I could no longer satisfy him, I would just tell him that I did not know, and that we would have to ask Uncle Jim. This was a stroke of brilliance on my part. Jake would patiently wait until the next time my brother stopped by, and then bombard him with his saved up questions. I remember clearly the day that Jim sat at our dining room table and drew out a diagram, complete with circuits and breakers, to explain that there is a lot going on inside the walls behind the light switch. He convinced Jake that turning on a light really isn’t magic.

It is odd, that as grown ups, our “whys” are not so easily answered.

Today, I am struggling with a “why” that Uncle Jim cannot solve.

On this day, another little boy, one that I am sure was full of “whys” and full of wonder, has gone to live with Jesus. He lost his battle with a serious illness and after just 5 years on this earth, and has left a terrible void in the lives of those who love him.

I did not know this boy. I knew his father and his father’s family, I knew some of his mother’s family, and I had met his mother. Not knowing him has not made this any easier to understand. I have still asked why.

If you have followed my blog, you know that I am a Christian. You know that I do not blame God for things that I have endued. You know that I continue to love and trust Him. But, does that always mean I understand Him?

No.

There are many scriptures that bring comfort, but not complete understanding. Yet, I realize that we only hold a small piece of the puzzle, and must wait to see the complete picture.

It is not my brother that I wait for to explain the answers, yet a loving Father. One who knit this little boy in his mother’s womb, one that knew everything about him. A loving Father who has numbered our hairs, and our days.
I may not know the answer to this “why” while I live on this earth, but I am patiently waiting for my visit with my Father, when I will sit with Him and ask Him all of my saved up questions.

At the top of my blog is a quote. It has hung out there for a long time. I am drawn to it often:

"Today I am one day nearer home than ever before. One day nearer the dawning when the fog will lift, mysteries clear, and all question marks straighten up into exclamation points! I shall see the King!" (Vance Havner)

My “whys” will be answered.