What an Inspiration

Having time at home to recuperate from surgery has afforded me the time to watch some movies. Today I watched "The Hiding Place", the story of Corrie Ten Boom. Ironically, that was the first movie that husband and I ever went to a theater together to see. It was back in 1976 or 1977 in our college town. I have been wanting to watch it again for quite some time, had it in our NetFlix que for some time, and then had it sitting on top of the entertainment center for some time as well. Finally, but by no accident, I watched it today.

Oh boy, that woman's faith and perseverance is such an inspiration. To think of what she endured and the faith that remained just renewed my desire to trust God all the more. People have told me that I am strong, that I have been an inspiration to them in the midst of all I have gone through in the last 4 months. I just wish they could see me how God really sees me. I am not strong. Far from it. I think that what has been to my advantage is that for the first time in my life I have finally admitted that I am not strong. That in reality I am very weak. I have had to rely so much on God's strength. I know the only reason that I seem strong right now is because perhaps by some way people are just seeing His strength and are mistaking it for mine. I have to be reminded of His strength, reminded that only by admitting my weakness can His strength be perfected in me.

What would my life look like if I could just learn to do that in all aspects of my life? If I am only strong right now physically because I have been shown how frail life can be, and how I am truly one breath away from death, then what could I really be in regards to my relationships, finances, and other areas of my life if I would only learn to depend on Him more?

I bawled like a baby at the end of this movie because I think I do get it. I know how much I need to depend on God, and rely on Him. I just for some reason choose not to. If I learn anything from this heart attack / cancer experience then I want it to be that only by truly admitting that I am weak and depending on God can I ever be truly strong.

If you learn anything from my heart attack / cancer experience then please let it be the same, and that when you look at me and think I am strong, I am not, it is my Father you are looking at.