Something to hold on to...

"Today I am one day nearer home than ever before. One day nearer the dawning when the fog will lift, mysteries clear, and all question marks straighten up into exclamation points!
 I shall see the King!"     Vance Havner

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Is summer supposed to be crummy?

Sometimes I get discouraged. I try to be upbeat on this blog and tell you happy things, share great bargains, and sometimes sweet and funny experiences in my life. Today I am sad, scared, and down. Can I be raw? I think I am asking myself that question as well as any readers that may stumble over to this site.

I did not get good news yesterday at my cardiologist follow-up appointment. I should back up and tell you that I spent Tuesday evening in the local hospital. I experienced upper back pain early in the evening and after a few phone calls to an advisory nurse, husband took me in to the ER. Of course, they checked for a new heart attack, but the EKG and heart enzymes checked out good, even so, the tests continued. First an X-Ray, then a CAT scan of my heart. After being seen by a couple of doctors and an assistant, I was told that first, I had a previously undetected heart murmur, a leaky valve, and possibly a stent failure. I was released the next day, and followed up with a stress test yesterday morning. Let me say this about that, Why would anyone purposely do that to a person? This was a “pharmacological stress test”, meaning no treadmill, just drugs that mock a stressed heart. I will just refer to that as “heart attack in a syringe”. It was an awful test. I developed nausea, my chest hurt, and I had a general feeling of death. Two weeks after a heart attack is much too soon to re-live those feelings. Needless to say, I flunked this test. Literally. When I arrived at the cardiologist’s office that afternoon he informed me that I had indeed failed the test. Which means, there is an 85% chance that there is still a significant blockage on that artery. Which could mean a possible stent failure. What do they do now? Go back in for a second look. I am scheduled for another heart catheterization this next week. If they find a problem they will fix it then, if they do not, I will go home and pursue the back pain further.

It was not the news we had hoped to hear. Might I also stress that this has been a really crummy 2-½ weeks. To think, I was anxious for summer break. Let me fill you in on the rest of the story and in so doing I will invite you to my pity party. The following are all in addition to my recent problems.

1. The day of my heart attack husband’s family was to attend the funeral of husband’s 53-year-old cousin. However due to various reasons below, none were able to attend.

2. A much loved niece of ours is pregnant. Yes, this is a good thing, but she has had a major case of “all day sickness” which is a serious damper to the life they are used to. This is a woman who loves taking care of her husband, making delicious homemade jams and bread, and helping others every chance she gets. These days she barely can get out of bed to even smell bread, much less eat any.

3. Father in law suffered a stroke the night before my heart attack. It seriously affected his walking ability and he spent 2 weeks in a rehab center learning to walk. Husband and I were not able to offer the assistance we would have liked due to my situation. He is home now and doing much better, but there are still issues.

Not enough you say?


4. Husband’s brother has just been newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Diabetes does not run in this family. When you suddenly have a blood sugar level of 600 it is not a good thing. He has had two hospitalizations this week. His wife, our sister in law had been here caring for father in law.

5. My precious sister has a new medical concern and will undergo a serious test this week. She has been setting all of her concerns aside and has been making weekly visits (2 visits this week) to care for me in much appreciated ways.

Add to all of that the general stress of moving a son home for the summer, finding places for all of the new stuff in the house, re arranging bedrooms (I did nothing) and getting through each day while learning to live with heart disease.

I fear even numbering these items because I know the nature of numbers…there is always one more.

So, might I ask you all to lift this family in your prayers?

Now, to be really fair, I must turn and focus on the positive. I have to get that out as well. We have been blessed beyond measure with help from wonderful friends through our church. We have had delicious meals, help with the boy’s rooms, had our refrigerator cleaned out (yippee), and have had offers for practically every need we have. People are so good to us. We are truly seeing God with skin on right now and that is what has gotten us through these crummy weeks. I am being honest, these have been crummy weeks. However, God has blessed us and is bringing us through them.


Anonymous said...

you have been in my thoughts and prayers the minute I heard..and will continue to be..much hugs and love sent to you.

Grace said...

Believe me when I say that I've been praying for all of you and I will keep on doing it.

Inkling said...

Thanks for being honest and raw. Of course, you do it with much more grace than I. Authenticity is way more important than tying everything up in a neat bow, as if our lives were a 30 minute sitcom. But the cool thing is that our lives will get tied up in a neat bow when Jesus comes. I need to remember that more often. You're a good reminder as you balance rawness with gratitude.

Marcy said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that things start to look up for you and your family sounds like you are all very deserving of some good news.