I have not updated for a week and I am sorry about that. I am in a strange mood right now, partly depressed, partly ashamed, but mostly humbled. Let me explain. During my “recovery” I have spent probably too much time on my computer. I surf blogs, looking for bargain hunters like myself and then out of some twisted sense of curiosity I then go to the sidebars and start looking at the blogs those people look at. What is up with that? Part of me tells me it is weird enough to go to the blogs of people I don’t know, and then even weirder to move on to the blogs of people THEY don’t know. But I guess that is the nature of blogs.
Today, while doing this, I came upon a blog that has profoundly affected me. Some of my readers will know who I am talking about when I mention the recording group Selah. They are a Christian group with some of the sweetest music this side of Heaven. I did not know until today the sorrow surrounding one of the members and his family. The name of the blog is “Bring the Rain”, and is written by the wife of one of the members of the group. She has a true gift of writing and truly writes from her heart. She chronicles the life and death of their 4th daughter and then the unexpected death of their nephew just 7 weeks later. It is a beautiful yet extremely difficult read. Go here if you wish to read her story. I would recommend that you go to the left side bar and start at the beginning of the blog and read forward that way. Give yourself some time.
What does all this say to me?
1. Life is short. I realized that when I stared the possibility of death in the face one month ago. However, I am 51 years old. I have lived a good life; I have shared this journey with precious people and have been blessed. I cannot take things for granted any more. None of us know what tomorrow means. It does not matter if you are 51 or just a few hours, months, or years old. An old Wayne Watson song holds the line, “death is no respecter of age”. That line is so true, but is so ignored.
2. God is still God. I do not understand much about Him. I do not, or never will in this life understand why babies die, nor will I ever try to explain it. I cannot. I just know that God is God. He is there in the midst of our pain. I believe with all my heart, that God aches when things like these happen. His plan did not include babies dying.
3. While it may be important to be wise stewards of the things God has given us, I think the real question God will ask is not, “What did you do with the things I have given you” but “What did you do with the people I gave you?” I like bargains, I like going to CVS and getting things for pennies. However, that is NOT the focus of my life. God does not care if I spent two dollars or twenty this month, but He does care how I treat people. God has put family, friends, even strangers in my path for a reason. Am I using my time on this earth wisely, to show them love in various ways?
Sometimes I just get full of myself. I know, having a heart attack has caused me to be a bit self-focused as of late, but maybe that is just the opposite of what it should have caused. Maybe, just maybe, this heart attack is to give me a wake up call. Life IS short. Perhaps the lesson to be learned here is to spend more of it with Him, more of it with others, less focused on ourselves.
About Me
- Anita
- First and foremost I am a Christian woman, married to the love of my life for 39 years. I have two incredible young men for sons, and I am an educator by profession. This gives me a chance to work with children. I take seriously James 3:1, "Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." NIV translation- I love bargain shopping and seeing how far I can stretch our money through good deals, coupons and careful planning.
~Just for fun~
Remember those photo booths? They just seemed to make you happy. Yes, that's me!
The First Date
One Very Special Day
1 comment:
Beautiful post, Aunt Silverbelle. I've been feeling a little like your last paragraph too, wishing that the past three months had been more joyful and less self-absorbed, with way less pitying myself because I'm so far from those who could have helped me. Papa God has us on this journey, and I'm just glad He will get us where He wants us in His time, and that it's not up to us all on our own to be mature and unselfish all the time. I sure can't do that on my own.
As for the Bring the Rain blog, that's been my teacher for these past several months. There's this post she wrote I think near the end of April about pitcher God told her to break. It impacted me profoundly.
And like you, I also read the blogs on the side of hers, including one about this precious boy named Owen. That one really threw me for a loop this past week because I learned about a miscarriage his mom had. I read that right after writing my Psalm 84:3 post, and felt like the wind got knocked out of me. Trusting God during this two weeks of waiting to hear the heartbeat of my little one seemed too much to ask of me after reading that post. But He's asked me to wait, even though it seems so many around me (those I know and love, and those I only know of) are grieving the loss of their babies. Waiting is so hard, but it seems to be what He's called me to do right now. And in that waiting, somehow He's also asking me to trust and praise Him. I can't do that on my own, but I sure hope He helps me do that.
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