How did I miss this?

Sometimes God speaks to you in subtle ways, and sometimes it is as if He slaps you in the face to get your attention. Today was one of those slappin' days. I was at cardiac rehab, minding my own business, walking on the treadmill. I brought along my ipod, (yes, this old lady has an ipod- it was a "freebie" a few years ago when oldest bought his Mac computer, he already had one, so mom has an ipod!)

Anyway, I was walking along and enjoying my music when a song played that I have heard many times. I guess this time I really listened. It was as if God said, "Anita, pay close attention to this song, I am trying to tell you something". The song is, "Until" by Mark Harris. Mark Harris used to sing with the group 4Him. This song is on his solo album. The words are below, and after you skim over them you can read what I truly believe that God was telling me through this song. I just wish I could find it on YouTube or somewhere for you to hear.

Until: By Mark Harris

It is it unfair to say that You are leading,
Then try and face this mountain on my own,
Why am I scared, I've never stopped believing,
And You never left me alone.
Well, I can get ahead of where you've led me to,
But I will trust Your heart enough to wait for You ...

Until this mountain moves,
Until the path is clear,
Until Your voice is the only one I can hear.
Until I see Your hand,
Until I know Your heart,
Until I trust the grace that's carried me this far
I will be still, until ...

How could I have ever seen this coming,
It's not like I've been running from Your will,
Tell me why each day's another mystery,
Waiting for Your truth to be revealed,
I try to tell my heart to trust what I believe,
And wait on You through all of my uncertainty ...

Until this mountain moves,
Until the path is clear,
Until Your voice is the only one I can hear.
Until I see Your hand,
Until I know Your heart,
Until I trust the grace that's carried me this far
I will be still, until ...

Be still my heart of worry,
Be still my restless soul,
Be confident and certain,
Be still and know

CHORUS:
Until this mountain moves,
Until the path is clear,
Until Your voice is the only one I can hear.
Until I see Your hand,
Until I know Your heart,
Until I trust the grace that's carried me this far
I will be still, until ...
Oh, I will be still, until


I have been so anxious for my surgery. I even commented recently that I felt as if this time while I am waiting is just wasted time. Today changed that. I believe that God is preparing me in the best way possible for my surgery, and the days up to then are planned so that I will face this surgery fully prepared. This song refers to how we try to get ahead of God instead of just waiting "until". I have to admit that I gave no thought to what God might have in store for me in these next few weeks. I even said to Him, that I just wanted it over with. However, every day I am hearing from friends and family, every day I am hearing a special song or scripture brought to me by a friend, or something I have run across on my own. Literally, EVERY day. There has not been a single day since my cancer was announced that I have not gotten either a phone call, a card, a word of encouragement, or a word of someone praying for me. It is so obvious to me now, that these days before surgery are not just a scheduling problem due to a busy doctor or a tied up O.R. No, they have been planned by God so that I could face this surgery, this cancer, in the very best way possible. Had I rushed into surgery I would not have the scriptures or songs that are now planted in my heart and mind. I would not have realized the huge support I have through family and friends, and most importantly, I might have put my confidence in doctors rather than realizing with all of my being that God is truly in control.

So, I will be still, I will wait, I will trust and I will have confidence in God's timing. September 10th is THE day for surgery. I just wish I could pick up on these lessons a bit sooner.