Something to hold on to...

"Today I am one day nearer home than ever before. One day nearer the dawning when the fog will lift, mysteries clear, and all question marks straighten up into exclamation points!
 I shall see the King!"     Vance Havner

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Respite from the Battle

Husband and I just returned from our two day get-away. I have to say that getting away was beautiful medicine for my soul. We really did not do much or go to any big attractions, rather we rested, and enjoyed each other's company immensely. We spent our time dining at some of our favorite restaurants, shopping (not so much for me this time) and sleeping!

How wonderful sleep is right now. I feel like any I am able to obtain is a precious thing. We slept until 10:00 A.M. our first morning. That is quite out of character for us, but it was so needed.

Let me explain:

I feel like I am doing pretty well with this cancer thing during the daytime. I have a huge support group, I have many distractions and I feel I am not only putting on a strong face, but rather, I AM strong. God is foremost on my mind and he reminds me that He is in control. I know that there are doctors who think they are in charge of my treatment, but they are just a small part of the future God has in store for me. While it is way to early to tell if my ultimate healing will come in this life or the next, I do know that it will come from God and not man. One way or another, He IS in control. My mind knows that, and so does my heart. During the daytime I can praise God readily and lean on Him while putting things somewhat in perspective.

Nights, however are a different story. Part of the reason I slept so late that morning is due to the little sleep I got through the night. In the middle of the night, under the cover of darkness, it is as if Satan creeps in, ready to attack. He fills my mind with doubts, with fears, and with worries. The thing that bothers me the most, is that I let him. I lay there and let every "what if" invade my thoughts. I know there is an answer for this, yet lately I have allowed this to occur on more than one occasion.

My friend Reta once sang the solo part on a song that our choir sang. Those words are burning in my heart right now, as I know the need to put them into practice. The song is" I Bless Your Name" and this one verse speaks to me,

"Some midnight hour
If you should find
You're in a prison in your mind
Reach out and praise
Defy those chains
And they will fall
In Jesus' Name"

She even mentioned how she knew the feeling of those midnight hours when we feel so hopeless. If I could just remember to combat those feelings with praise I could stop them so easily.

One purchase I made this weekend was a 4 volume CD collection by the group Selah. This is amazing music and I plan to fill my days with these songs and with scripture, so that my nights will be prepared for battle. The song I referred to is on one of these CDs.

This next week will be huge for me. Hopefully I will get some answers and learn more of my treatment plan. I half jokingly mentioned to my brother that with all that has happened this summer, I was waiting for the "third" shoe to drop. I found out on Thursday, just before leaving town that I have to go on Wednesday morning to have a breast biopsy. Something unexpected decided to take up residency where it does not belong, and now we need to find out what it is. So, we throw one more thing in the mix. I will have that done prior to seeing a surgeon for my thyroid.

See what I mean about needing to go to battle?


FarmWife said...

The only suggestion I can make is to play those Sela CD's all night long. It may help you battle. I know QM keeps praise & worship playing in their room even when no one's in there.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts/prayers are with you, I seem to have those same thoughts and flip/flop so much with my own situation.

Please keep the faith and ask that Satan be kept away and new wonderful thoughts be blessed upon you.

Queen Mother said...

I'm glad you got some rest and ejnoyed your time of rest.

I was going to tell you that we play praise music even during the night sometimes.

just above a whisper

We are praying for your healing.