Well, it was bound to happen. My post surgical pity party. It seems like I have had one with each surgical or major medical event in the last 5 months. Maybe it has something to do with anesthesia leaving my body, maybe it is hormonal, maybe it is just to show I am human and not able to be completely positive all of the time. I usually do not invite anyone, which is a good thing. I think my husband and my boys time have each attended one of them, but I don't know if they were actually invited. Strange party to crash, huh? It happened last night after I took a short bath. I just lost it for a while. To be honest I am sick of pain. I don't like living my life in a "complaining" mode. I don't like not knowing how to answer people when they ask how I am. That is a question I have to process every-time it is asked. I wonder if they want the short easy answer, which lately has just been, "I'm getting there." Or, if they want a longer but more truthful answer. That answer uses words like pain, hurting, sore, and tired. Not too many people really want to hear that when they ask. Some do, my closest family and friends really do want to know, and they really care, but in general it seems people want the short answer. Funny, I just thought about tele-marketers, too bad we blocked them, because I could sure give them an ear full when they ask, "How are you today?" It would make them block ME!
I KNOW all of this will pass, that the stiff, compressed feeling in my neck, the uncooperative shoulders, the swollen sore body part, and the lack of true, restful sleep (hence the time of this post) will all be a thing of the past and I can have a real party! It is just hard to get from here to there.
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Aunt Anita, we all have days when we just can't go on our own....days when God's mercy is the only thing that keeps us alive, let alone walking. I know you know that, but I wanted to be at least one person telling you that where you are at is okay. We're here to listen, to love on you, to let you vent or cry, and to be there to laugh and be strong with you when those feelings/abilities come back.
I panicked last night over some stuff about our baby, and was once again reminded that God's new mercies every morning are the only thing that keep me going. May His mercies be new for you each day, and may they keep you going even during the hardest times.
And may you always know that Papa God has His lap wide open during moments like these. I think that's why He has a lap.
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